Gift of the Submissive

Is someone's submission a gift or a trade? Does it make a difference?

Relationships that incorporate D/s and/or BDSM aspects are, at heart, no different than any other relationship. Two people come together because they meet each other's needs. If the needs of both individuals are not met, the relationship doesn't work.

Many people in D/s relationships toss around the term the "gift" of submission, and I understand where they're coming from. Someone trusting you enough to give you the right to make decisions in their life in order to keep them happy and safe is monumental. (Remember happiness as defined by each individual.) A great honor indeed.

I think the point is the value placed on submission. When I gave my husband the right to make decisions for me, and my future, I didn't want him to shrug it off or minimize the choice. However, my decision was not made into a void.
1. *very important* I knew what kind of man I was submitting to. His intelligence, capabilities, morals, personality.
2. I knew we had the same kind of kinks and interests and that he cared for me. So he would be able to give me what I needed in order for me to be happy and our relationship to function at its optimal level. (Loving someone is not a requirement for a D/s relationship at all. I just need it in mine.)

If submission is a gift, then the person on the other end should be appreciative of the gift correct? Where as, if I come in and say I'll give you submission if you give me your domination. Then it's not really that romantic and sounds much more even footed. Which it is! Before someone enters into a D/s relationship they are on exactly on the same footing and very equal in rights and expectations. The dominant is not indebted to me for giving them my submission any more than I am to him because he has given me his domination We both meet each other's needs.

So while I understand the reason people term submission a gift, I prefer to think of it as an equal trade. I don't want someone indebted to me (God I hate when someone at the office gets me a Christmas gift and I didn't get them one!) and I don't want to be indebted to someone else.