As I've mentioned, my husband and I are in a 24/7 total power exchange relationship. My husband is extremely laid back. So we don't really have any protocols, he could care less about titles, and our few rules are as follows:
1. I speak respectfully to my husband at all times. I can disagree all I want, but I must do it respectfully and what he says in the end goes. Which brings us to the next rule..
2.Whatever my husband decides is what happens. This includes everything from how the house runs daily to which house we buy. (Of course my husband wants and takes my opinion on matters. He does after all love and think highly of me. I would not have married him or agreed to this dynamic otherwise.)
3. If I have any question about what my husband may want in a situation I must ask him before proceeding.
4. I serve my husband. Does he sometimes "serve" me as well, most definitely, but 24/7 I perform traditional service actions in our relationship. (Think 1950s housewife.)
How does this look to others in our every day life, like every other couple I know. We laugh a lot, we tease each other, we disagree, we each have good and bad days, we hang out with friends for game nights. Almost no one has any idea our relationship is different than their own, because for the most part it's not. People may notice I get my husband his drinks and bring him food. I sometimes wear a plain leather collar in public (no O-rings or leash hooks), but everyone just assumes it's a fashion statement. We don't hide our dynamic, but neither do we advertise it.
Other couples, with more protocols or rules in place, adjust for being out in public. Subtle gestures and eye contact substituted for vocal requests or protocols may be dropped entirely.
Should we have to do this though? A question that causes strong opinions across the kink board. If we're not behaving in a sexual manner, why shouldn't my dominant lead me around by a leash, or have me refer to him as "Master"? Just because someone doesn't want to behave that way with their significant other doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to with mine. (No one is advocating to expose anyone, especially minors, to anything sexual.)
The prevailing argument against behaving in a manner that would lead to one's relationship/kink being "outed", is that by behaving in a kinky manner you are automatically including those around you in your kink without their permission. Which, due to the controversial nature of much of kink, most people within the BDSM community are very careful about not doing, with each other or others.
How I display my D/s is not sexual. i wear a collar. Sometimes I wear cuffs. Both usually go unnoticed, or admired as a fashion piece. Sometimes I wish I displayed submission in a way people wouldn't get confused with fashion. I'm not sure I should act ashamed of how my relationship works.
When does one's ignorance of D/s relationships (which may cause discomfort seeing my nonsexual submission displayed) outweigh my right to proudly show I obey, and belong to, my husband? Talking is good. Questions are good. Education is good.
Children understand "traditional" marriage without heterosexual sex being laid out for them. The explanation of my relationship doesn't need to be defined in sexual terms either.
In my own life, I prefer not to stand out. I don't want to discuss my personal choices, or sex life, with others. So in general, I stick with non attention gaining displays of submission.
Just a side, but important note, BDSM/power exchange relationships do not have to be about sex. Being tied up by anyone other than Ryan is not sexual to me. Some BDSM relationships are not sexual in nature ever.
I don't have an answer to the public kink question. Even to myself. Though, perhaps the question won't become as black and white in a few years. As BDSM activities become more main stream, and acceptance of those different views in general grows, there may be a time aspects of kink relationships can be shown without shame or offense.
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