So it's that time of year, the season of Renaissance Festivals! Our local one runs from late August through late October. Yesterday my other half the of the slash, and I made our way down to the Annapolis countryside to join with thousands of others in enjoying mead, turkey legs, music, theatre, and local artesian goods.
I won't deny it. For me, the Renaissance Fair is like an adult Disneyland, the happiest place on earth. People are drinking and eating favorite foods, meeting up with old friends, and dressing how they want.
There is also a large number of kinksters involved in the Rennfest. As such, I always feel very free to wear my collar and/or cuffs when I attend the festival. (I also have a number of corsets I am able to finally make public use of!) Yesterday I received a number of compliments on my pretty pink collar, and then later on a significantly more substantial collar and cuff set. Of course I can't be sure, but I hardly believe all the people who complimented my collars were kinky. Most interesting to me, no one seemed to find the collar a big deal, other than it was attractive. Only one person mistook my shyness for being in a picture as being unsure about my collar. Dressed in all out steampunk, she assured me I should dress however I wanted and people would be accepting of it at the Renfest and if they weren't, "screw 'em".
What a wonderful place!
Today that experience has me thinking about the way we accept others. In this case, acceptance of BDSM by those who don't practice it, and acceptance of each other within the kink community.
I am part of a local BDSM group that is very inviting, but I'm not able to attend events/meetings as often as I like. As with any group, if you're not there often, it's difficult to maintain acquaintances, much less make and keep friends.
To supplement my BDSM community need, I am part of an online one, FetLife, arguably the largest one of it's kind. As online communities will, it draws a large number of people from different walks of life, backgrounds, and beliefs. With all the drama an online screen name brings. Thankfully, that's not all FetLife offers. I can't begin explain how helpful and educational it's been.
Even though it has not been my experience, it's a common complaint there is lack of acceptance by others in the BDSM community. To be very fair, I have been involved in a number of sub groups throughout my life and it's a complaint I have heard there as well.
When getting involved in the BDSM community, or any new group, there are several things to keep in mind:
1. Be outgoing. Introduce yourself and talk with others. Unless you're at a location where it's been pre set up, it is no one's responsibility to come greet you and take you under their wing. Will some people? Sure! And that's one of the best feelings in the world, but it's not something they are morally obligated to do. This is their downtime with friends and it takes a special person to include others in that.
2. Not everyone who has the same interests as you is a nice person. There are good, bad and indifferent people. Apply the same rules of social interaction you would at any location where you don't know anyone.
3. Don't judge an entire group off of your experience with a few.
4. Don't believe you know everything. You'd be wrong and you'll alienate others.
5. Enjoy yourself! Make friends. Find people to play with. Positive people who interact make friends faster than anyone else. And that's why you got involved right? To have fun.
As for acceptance by others not in the community, well, no guarantees either way. I come from a conservative background so I'm careful about what I share about myself. If someone doesn't like that I obtain my husband's permission before making decisions, that's not something I concern myself with. I could always explain if I thought it would help matters. We, the BDSM lifestylers, are at a tipping point, BDSM will become more and more mainstream. It's up to everyone to share only when they're comfortable.
Still, it gives me hope when I see a group of people (Rennfest participants) that have been exposed to BDSM participants and think no more of it than someone of a different religion or political affiliation, quite possibly less. I'm admittedly not the most optimistic person, but this makes the future look bright in all kinds of areas.
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