One of the interesting aspects of BDSM is the fact there is no official BDSM group or high council that makes all the rules. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to do or define something. While this aspect allows great personal freedom of identification, it also creates confusion and debate.
Sure, there are guidelines that if one doesn't follow could mean others don't want to be around you for social or safety reasons, but that doesn't mean you get fined or stopped from labeling yourself a BDSM participant.
In fact labels could be where some of the greatest confusion comes from. BDSM, being an umbrella term, and everyone under that umbrella being unique in both how they practice bdsm, and each relationship they are in that includes BDSM, means there are nearly limitless ways to label oneself and relationships.
There are numerous titles and labels pertaining to BDSM and other people have spent the time to complete such a list. For this example, though, I will stay with some common titles used in 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationships. This includes, but is not limited to, Dominant (Dom or Domme)/submissive, Master or Mistress/slave, Owner/property, Owner/pet, Daddy or Mommy/babygirl or babyboy, Daddy or Mommy/little.
In the broadest use of general, submissives are people who submit, but under certain terms and in certain ways. Negotiations can be common as new aspects are introduced into the relationship.
Those who identify as slaves tend to submit in all areas at all times. There are no more negotiations once a slave is taken on as such. Whatever the Master/Mistress decides in any situations is how it is. This is often closely tied with Owner/property where the property sees themselves as an object for the Owner to use as they will. As someone with no rights within that relationship.
A babygirl/boy is someone who either age plays and/or has childlike aspects to their nature. Their Mommy/Daddy has the role of caretaker. They care for their babyboy/girl emotionally and physically extensively, as one would a child. Although, there are relationships where the babygirl/boy is actually the dominant and the Daddy/Mommy cares for them in a submissive role.
Even though those are generally accepted definitions of the titles, it's not uncommon to meet a "slave" who has limits, or a "submissive" who only submits when they want to. People are free to identify however they feel they should. If you see yourself as a babygirl, then you are a babygirl. End of story.
On top of that if defining each title wasn't complicated enough, one does not always identify with just one title.
What's important to remember is you can't categorize a person by their title(s). You have to get to know them and see how that title plays out. Therefore a Master should not say to someone "You are not a slave," but "You are not a slave that is compatible with me." At any given time someone is not a "fake" or "bad" <insert title>. They are either non compatible, or none of your damn business.
I happen to really like this about BDSM. Although it would be easier to know certain things about a person by how they title themselves, in the long run I feel it's better for personal expression, and less judgement in the community, to not have strict definitions.
As the number of people who identify as BDSM increases this may change, but it's all part of any "fringe" group becoming mainstream. Change may be painful, but it's always going to happen. Hopefully we learned our lesson from history on acceptance.
No comments:
Post a Comment