Thursday, September 17, 2015

SSC , RACK and other kinds of precautions

There are several key concepts to keep in mind when handing someone the opportunity to physically and/or emotionally harm you. To me, it boils down to three things I want to have covered before stepping in front of someone with a flogger: Communication, Cognizance and Consent.

Communicate, communicate, and then communicate again. Before entering into a BDSM scene , the participants discuss expectations and limits of what will happen. If someone is going to flog me (the bottom) I will share any health (physical, emotional or mental) conditions I have that could be affected by the flogging. I will explain how to avoid aggravating this condition. I also want to be clear on my limit of flogging. Let's say I don't mind having raised welts, but I don't want the skin broken. I communicate exactly the limit of controled physical impact I want from this scene.

In return, the person flogging (the top) clarifies any questions they have about what I've told them and explains their expectations and limits for the scene. The top may wish to use two floggers and will ask if I am comfortable with that. (There should be no surprises in a scene unless the use of "surprises" has been discussed and clear guidelines of what can be used for a surprise given.) The top could also tell me they don't feel comfortable giving me welts, and wish only to use the flogger lightly.

Things that also may be discussed are duration or a possibly specific event order. Anything that you do/could have an opinion on, now is the time to express it.  If, after discussing, either person no longer wishes to be involved in the scene, it is imperative they decline. It could be dangerous for themselves, or others, and can create distrust should something go wrong when it didn't have to.

Another topic that will be discussed prior to a scene is the use of a "safe word". Safe words are used as a tool of communication between top and bottom during a scene. Traditional safe words are "red" and "orange". (Though people may make up their own.) If a bottom says "red" during a scene it means to stop the scene immediately. Something is wrong. "Yellow" means something isn't quite right and may need to be adjusted in order to continue. Sometimes the top will check in with the bottom during a scene to see how they are feeling. If something is wrong the bottom should say "red" or "orange", but if everything is fine they can simply say "green" and the top will continue.
Honest communication cannot be stressed enough if everyone is going to enjoy the scene and stay safe.

Congnizance, or being aware. (Yea, I was desperate for a "c" word.) Be aware of yourself, be aware of your partner(s) be aware of the situation. Are you having a bad day? Have you eaten enough to be physically capable of the scene? What is the skill level of your partner? Are they under any emotional duress? Do they clearly understand the limits? Do you trust them? Are you in a safe environment? (Emotionally, mentally, physically) Is there an emergency kit with appropriate contents should something go wrong in the scene?

Only once everyone has communicated, and is aware of all aspects of the situation, can consent for the scene be given. If the scene is altered to include something that was not consented to, trust has been broken. In order to keep themselves safe, people will generally only play with someone they can trust. At the same time though, the top is not a mind reader, and the bottom should not go back later and cry foul if they did not give clear instructions beforehand.

Broadly accepted acronyms for this kind of play include SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). However it's remembered, making sure everyone's experience is only what they agreed to is a cornerstone of BDSM.

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